


Like The First Time

by PenandDragon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Domestic, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M, SoonSeok Fic Fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 04:20:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenandDragon/pseuds/PenandDragon
Summary: Waking up next to Kwon Soonyoung must be the most natural thing in the world. Lee Seokmin has been pretty sure of this fact since he was about eight years old.OR the one where Soonyoung is leaving for college and Seokmin panics.





	Like The First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the The Sun and the Stars, a SoonSeok Fic Fest.

Waking up next to Kwon Soonyoung must be the most natural thing in the world. Lee Seokmin has been pretty sure of this fact since he was about eight years old.

The two of them have remained loyal to their traditional Friday night sleepovers since they were children: they’re still using Seokmin’s single bed, even though Seokmin himself has grown too long for it, and Seokmin still somehow ends up with none of the blanket. There’s something familiar and reassuring in how Soonyoung sleeps the same way he always has, his mouth slightly open and calves tangled up with Seokmin’s (it’s almost always Soonyoung’s fault when they fall out of bed). It’s always too hot. That’s the way it’s always been.

But this sleepover is a bit different from the rest. Seokmin feels this so keenly that it makes the corners of his eyes burn.

This marks their final nights together before Soonyoung leaves for college.

His shoulder is kind of stiff from how Soonyoung has tucked his head tucked against it but he doesn’t move, holds onto Soonyoung that bit tighter even though his bladder is full and hair is tickling his chin. Seokmin used to sniff Soonyoung’s hair when they were younger. He knows it’s kind of weird but he still does it now for comfort, nosing the dark strands and breathing in the scent that is so uniquely Soonyoung.

They’ve never been apart for longer than a week since they first met.

Soonyoung had known something was wrong with him last night. Soonyoung always knows. It makes Seokmin feel inadequate, because he often finds himself wondering what Soonyoung is thinking, in those rare moments when his face is drawn and the spark in his eyes has gone out. He hopes he’s been imagining how Soonyoung’s become even more difficult to read lately.

 “You don’t have to worry so much.” Soonyoung had said, when they were stuffed full from takeaway and vegetating on the couch, fingers rubbing lazy circles on Seokmin’s chest. “You know hyung can take of himself, right?”

 _That’s what I’m worried about_. Seokmin didn’t know how to articulate this without sounding like a crazy person so he didn’t even try, just nodded and pretended to be placated. Soonyoung didn’t say much after that and the subject was dropped. Traditionally, these nights ended in mutual blowjobs and spooning on the couch until one of them was too tired to keep watching reruns of _Naruto_ (who’s cooler between Naruto and Sasuke is the source of one of their rare yet frequent arguments), but last night they had both yawned and curled up in bed together with a couple of lazy kisses.

It hadn’t been bad, just different. It makes Seokmin ache to feel any kind of distance between himself and Soonyoung already. He and Soonyoung are a year apart and Seokmin has always been keenly aware of this fact, even since before they were dating. How fast this year had flown in.

Maybe it’s because Seokmin has tried so hard not to think about it that he grew complacent. It’s only now with Soonyoung sleeping soundly by his side that he thinks it’s fully sunk in. By next week, Soonyoung will no longer live just a few streets down from him. Soonyoung will be on the other side of Seoul. And all of their traditions will come to an end. When Seokmin walks home from school, he’ll no longer have Soonyoung swinging his bag by his side, telling jokes noone else laughs at as their hips bump together. And tomorrow will be the last time he’ll wake up to Soonyoung in his crappy little bed that he’s had since they were kids. It’s too hard to think about for too long. Because not only is Soonyoung his boyfriend, but he’s also Seokmin’s best friend.

If Soonyoung wanted to travel then Seokmin would learn how to drive. It was that simple.

 

So why is Seokmin not making the most of this? Their last full day together should be sacred. After this, everything is going to change.

He pokes a finger into Soonyoung’s open mouth to wake him up. Watches as Soonyoung’s eyebrows tug into a small frown. Waits.

“Ugh, S’min.” Comes a muffled voice around his fingertip. Soonyoung is _useless_ in the morning. He makes a series of unintelligent noises and pushes Seokmin’s hand away, pressing himself face-down to Seokmin’s chest, like he can burrow himself back to sleep. “Not cool.”

“Lazy.” Laughter rumbles out of Seokmin and he tries unsuccessfully to pry Soonyoung, who has melded his body against his like a welt, off of him. “It’s almost eleven o’clock.”

Soonyoung slowly lifts his head, bleary eyed and accusing. “Exactly.”

“Come on.” Seokmin decides to become sly. He holds Soonyoung close to him, as if gearing up for a kiss, then begins to rub his slight overnight chin stubble against Soonyoung’s soft cheek. Rubbing their faces together is usually Soonyoung’s tactic and he groans at it being used against him. “Don’t you want to do stuff today?”

“No.” Soonyoung protests, squirming to get away. There isn’t much room to go anywhere though and Seokmin holds on tight before Soonyoung can tip them over the side of the bed out of spite.

“Exactly. Let’s make the most of doing nothing.”

Soonyoung goes still in his arms and Seokmin knows he’s won.

Soonyoung makes a big deal of pushing himself upright until he’s sitting grumpily on top Seokmin’s hips, massaging his cheek with his fingers. “You’re so lucky I think you look hot with stubble.”

“I just want to spend time with you.” Seokmin appeals, giving him his best smile and patting his hands lightly against Soonyoung’s thighs. He loves his thighs. They’re taut from dancing and thick for Seokmin to grab. “I’ll fix breakfast. You won’t even need to lift a finger.”

“You’re forgiven.” Soonyoung grumbles, lightly swatting Seokmin’s chest. “You better have big plans for exactly how little we’re going to do today.”

“I’ve got a few.”

He watches Soonyoung stumble out of bed and pad towads his en-suite bathroom. He’s wearing his big sleep shirt that’s always slipping down to reveal a tantalising amount of shoulder. “Ow, fucking wall-” Seokmin laughs and takes a moment to marvel at how _into_ Soonyoung he can be even though he’s just watched him completely miss the door. It’s then that he remembers how full his bladder is and clambers to his feet, nudging Soonyoung out the way in his haste for the toilet. Soonyoung always brushes his teeth first. They stand side-by-side companionably and when Soonyoung reaches over to plant one hand on his ass, Seokmin feels strangely at ease again.

“I’ve decided you shouldn’t shave today.” Soonyoung announces around his toothbrush. “It’s a good look. I’m jealous.”

“By midday I look like one of those Uncles that plays black jack outside bars though” Seokmin points out, moving to wash his hands at the sink, though he’s secretly pleased. Soonyoung likes to brag to other people about Seokmin being as good-looking as an actor.

“Just how I like you.” Soonyoung grins, tilting his head to give Seokmin a minty kiss. “Mmm, nice morning breath.”

Seokmin does end up shaving, because he plans on taking about a million selfies of him and Soonyoung today and he wants to look his best for when he begs Soonyoung to match phone lockscreens with him.

He leaves Soonyoung upstairs to ‘rest his eyes’ for another half an hour whilst Seokmin sources them something to eat. His plan of action centres on them not needing to do anything or even get out of bed for any reason. Seokmin had once read that John Lennon and Yoko Ono stayed in bed all day. Whilst that thought didn’t appeal to him now, because even though he’s a homebody he does want to see the world whilst he’s young, he likes the idea of having the freedom to just spend all day with Soonyoung when they’re older.

His Mother hasn’t trusted them to be able to feed themselves so the fridge is full with heaps of cooked rice in zip-lock bags and various foods packed into Tupperware. Seokmin roots through it all to make prepare a few dishes. They have the house to themselves and Seokmin enjoys the feeling of it, his parents away on a business trip. It had been exciting to think about it just being himself and Soonyoung for the weekend, something vaguely adult and domestic about it, but that feeling had slowly turned to dread by the time it arrived.

The thing is, Soonyoung is really excited about going. Of course he is, he’s going to be the dance major he’s always wanted to be and Seokmin couldn’t be prouder. It could be worse. KARTS isn’t too far away by train. And Seokmin just knows Soonyoung is going to thrive at college. Soonyoung has always had a magnetic pull, effortlessly drawing the rest of the world in close to him.  He admires that about him. Seokmin isn’t a slacker by any means. His grades are good, above average even, and he studies hard. But there’s something directionless in it. He still feels as if he’s never been struck by the _boom_ , that epiphany moment that opens up the universe to him.

Soonyoung had once found a brochure for Pohang University on Seokmin’s desk (something he had had pressed upon him at a school fayre and long forgotten about under a coaster) and had spent the night making Seokmin promise over and over again that he wouldn’t go anywhere but Seoul like him, because just the idea of them being separated for so long made him want to _die_. Seokmin had held Soonyoung’s hands earnestly and agreed to it, because even though he didn’t care that much about staying in Seoul or the universities here, Soonyoung did. There’s a lot of colleges in Seoul. Seokmin thinks he can get into one of them.

“Hyung, wake up.” Seokmin cradles his phone in the juncture between his ear and neck as he fills a tray with various heated up dishes and makes his way back to the bedroom. He rung Soonyoung as an alarm, hoping he’s been startled awake by the loud noise.

“Oh my God, Seokmin, I’m awake.” He knows this is a lie and Soonyoung has just slapped his phone with his hand to stop the ringing. Seokmin turns into the room to find him spread out in starfish position on the bed, phone cushioned half on his ear and half on his cheek. “I was just resting my eyes- oh, that smells so good, what is that?”

“Love you too.” Seokmin grins. He jerks his head to get Soonyoung to make space and he obliges, curling against Seokmin’s side once he’s carefully sat down on the mattress, tray balanced on his lap.

 “Feed me?” Soonyoung asks, still not moving upright. Seokmin thinks, not for the first time, that Soonyoung probably shouldn’t be let out unto the world by himself.

“You’ll choke.”

“Doesn’t usually bother you.” Soonyoung quips with a sly smile and Seokmin colours.

“That wasn’t my fault.” Seokmin moans, recalling the memory. A few weeks ago, Mingyu had had a party and Soonyoung had insisted on giving Seokmin head in the bathroom. The alcohol had already gone to their brains and Soonyoung had decided to deepthroat him without warning, Seokmin coming almost immediately. His high only lasted for a moment because Soonyoung had started to cough and sputter all over the floor and Seokmin had to tell the people banging on the door that he was just being sick. Soonyoung had teased him about it ever since. “That time you almost poked my eye out with your boner was totally worse.”

“I don’t know how I missed a mouth that big” Soonyoung snorts and finally moves into a sitting position, shoulders shaking with repressed laughter. “Your parents thought you had pink eye.”

“I think I did.” Seokmin makes a face and grabs the remote to turn on morning cartoons.

Seokmin has a good set up going on. The bed is against the wall so they can sit back on pillows and watch the television just as they would watch it on the couch, the limited space meaning their thighs and elbows press together. The only downside is he doesn’t have his console in his room they might have to move all the way downstairs if they really have an itch to play _Dark Souls_ , which they probably will. They had never seriously planned for the future, but one of their most ambitious and pressing interior design plans consists of a high-end bathroom with a television built at the perfect angle to watch from their hot tub (because who needs a bath when you can have a hot tub?).

“You know, the other day, Mingyu asked me when we went gay for each other.” Seokmin says conversationally.

Soonyoung scrunches his nose up, reaching over him to start eating. “We were always gay. We just didn’t realise it.”

“Yeah, but when _did_ you realise it?” Seokmin presses. Soonyoung is facing back to the television and he tries not to be completely obvious in how intently he’s watching him out the corner of his eye.

He thinks Soonyoung’s cheeks are a little flushed. “It was just a feeling I had with you. A nice feeling.” He stops. He seems to sense Seokmin is unsatisfied with this answer when he doesn’t say anything and sighs, swatting at his chest. “I don’t know. Can you pinpoint the exact moment you realised you were gay?”

“Yes.” Seokmin says immediately, feeling put out by this. “Your Karate lessons.”

“That early?” Soonyoung blinks and Seokmin knows where his mind is going. The kind of ‘karate’ Soonyoung taught him featured a lot of him bending Seokmin over for warm-ups and moving him into various positions. They were just kids but the special tingly sensation Seokmin got out of having Soonyoung pressed against him, both of them a little sweaty, had been an early red flag that he was impossibly attracted to his best friend. They played karate a lot. Seokmin’s also convinced that’s where Soonyoung’s weird foot fetish comes from.

“Watching you run track.” Soonyoung says in a small voice. Seokmin pretends he hasn’t heard him properly just to hear him say it again, and Soonyoung’s face is pink all over now. “You were way too ripped for a thirteen year old, okay? And you hit puberty and got _hair_ way earlier than everyone else. Your armpits gave me a crisis.”

“My armpit hair gave you a crisis?” Seokmin thinks this might be the sweetest thing he’s ever heard. Soonyoung stuffs a bite of rice in his mouth before he can say this.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Do you know want to know why Mingyu brought it up?” Seokmin grins, raising his brows meaningfully.

Soonyoung stops chewing and his mouth drops open. “No way.”

“Yep. He finally asked him. He and Minghao are going on a date tomorrow. An actual, real date.” Seokmin says.

Mingyu was Seokmin’s other best friend and throughout most of their high school lives, had been completely and utterly self-assured that he was God’s gift to all of the girls in school. Then he had been hit by what he termed ‘Gay Panic’ due to his sudden and all-encompassing crush on their classmate Xu Minghao. Not only had Seokmin had to coach him through it, he also had to gradually build up Mingyu’s self-esteem and convince him there were plenty of men out there who would love him one day. Soonyoung had found the whole thing hilarious.

“Pretty sure you owe me.”

“Nope, I said they’d be together this Summer. _You_ said they’ll confess just before college when it’s too late and they’ll never see each other again.” Seokmin recites, still feeling the same stab of hurt he had felt when Soonyoung first said it. He knew Soonyoung hadn’t been thinking, certainly hadn’t been referring to _them_ , but the notion that any would-be couple could break up over college had hit too close for comfort.

“My bad. In that case, congratulations Lee Seokmin, you are the winner of a free coupon for one little kiss. Feel free to redeem it at any time.” Soonyoung says theatrically, making a show of sticking out his cheek. Seokmin gives him a quick peck obediently. “Let’s hope their first kiss is better than ours.”

Seokmin cringes at _that_ memory. Their first kiss had been at Soonyoung’s parents’ barbecue when they were fifteen. They had both been a little punch-drunk and giggly, hiding by the side of the house with bottles they had swiped from the garden table, skin flushed red under the bright sunlight. Their school friends were there too but as always, they had gravitated towards one another and soon it was just the two of them, Jihoon walking away from them with his hands in the air, “I don’t know why I bother. It’s like speaking another language”.

They had been laughing at that when Soonyoung had pulled him close by the elbows and Seokmin stumbled into the kiss. Soonyoung tasted like cheap cider and burger sauce and Seokmin knew there was noone else he wanted to kiss again, ever.

The kiss had sobered them both and Soonoung had drawn back, head ducked as he waited for Seokmin to react. It took him a moment to recover.

“Wow.”  Seokmin had said intelligently. He felt light headed, his belly full of bubbles. “That was awesome.”

“Yeah?” Soonyoung had brightened. Then his eyebrows pinched together seriously. “So kisses don’t complicate things?”

“No, kisses are good. Really good.” Seokmin had said in earnest. At that moment in time, it seemed nothing in this world was more important than Seokmin assuring Soonyoung that in no uncertain circumstances, he could kiss him like that, as often as he liked.

“Wanna do it again?” Soonyoung was always the bold one, closing his eyes and puckering his lips as he leant up to Seokmin. Seokmin thought he should copy him, squeezing his eyes shut too, but then the world lurched and the bubbles in Seokmin’s stomach multiplied and he spun around just in time to be sick all over his own shoes.

It was awful. In retrospect, it may have been for the best because it was then that Soonyoung’s Mother had rounded the side of the house to find him, but Seokmin had been crying and had to pretend he was just upset about his shoes. Seokmin had really been crying because he was convinced he had ruined everything forever and that Soonyoung would never want to kiss him again. Later, when they had retired to Soonyoung’s room and Soonyoung finally coaxed this confession out of him, Soonyoung admitted he had been agonizing for months over whether kisses would destroy their sacred friendship and that Seokmin was cute for thinking he could ruin anything.

“But kisses don’t complicate things.” Seokmin says with a smile. Soonyoung nudges him, probably for being too cheesy, but the corners of his lips are quirked too.

Their food is finished so Seokmin sits the tray down and they both settle in to watch _Spongebob_ , occasionally flicking through their phones and not saying much. Seokmin enjoys the easy silence and takes the opportunity to start taking photos, sliding on some filters.

“Look, you can pose with Taemin.”

“Sweet.”

Seokmin had made peace with the fact Lee Taemin and the rest of SHINee may always be the other men in Soonyoung’s life. So much so he doesn’t take it to heart when Soonyoung knocks him out of the frame to take a photo of himself posing with the rest of the members. Seokmin does finally force him to take another dozen couple photos with him and is satisfied with his new lockscreen, the two of them looking very unattractive with their chins pressed to their chests.

Everything on television today is trash. It’s perfect. They waste full hours dedicated to _Catfish_ , then to an afternoon drama Seokmin occasionally watches with his Mother, where they mock-gasp at all the appropriate revelations and then gasp for real when someone gets slapped. They give each other lazy handjobs under the bedsheets, shuddering against one another when they reach climax. It feels like they’ve made a cosy, crummy, kind of sticky little nest for themselves and Seokmin really doesn’t want to leave it.

“Are you hungry?” Soonyoung pipes up eventually, hand still resting inside Seokmin’s boxers for warmth. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“I am hungry.” Seokmin agrees. It would be nice if they could do something about it, but neither of them move. It’s only once their stomachs begin to rumble that they make the mutually unenthusiastic agreement to get out of bed, Soonyoung following Seokmin downstairs with the bedsheets so they can curl up in exactly the same way on the couch. This time with _Dark Souls_.

Soonyoung sets up the console whilst Seokmin prepares more food in the kitchen. He fills up an entire pot of noodles and goes about setting up a bunch of pans to put on just about everything in the Tupperware, suddenly ravenous in that way he gets when he’s excited to eat anything prepared by his Mother.

Arms wind around his waist from behind and Seokmin smiles when he feels the familiar press of Soonyoung’s soft cheek against the back of his neck.

 “’M’sorry.” is mumbled into his skin.

Seokmin tries to keep smiling as he twists to get a look at Soonyoung. “What for?”

Soonyoung moves to lean against the kitchen counter, not looking him in the eye. Seokmin feels his heart rate pick up. What if this is it? Seokmin has been looking for the warning signs that Soonyoung is going to break up with him for a while now, but Soonyoung had almost suspiciously exhibited no suspicious behaviour at all. If anything, he had been more affectionate than ever. Last Tuesday he had made Seokmin blow off soccer practice with Mingyu just to hang out, and the use of cute emojis in their text messages had definitely increased. Seokmin wishes he could stop reading into every little thing.

“Soonyoung, why are you sorry?” He asks, voice hollow to his own ears.

“I don’t know. I feel like I did something.” Soonyoung suddenly looks so anxious, fingering the hem of his shirt. “Did I do something?”

This is the time to talk about it. It’s here, the elephant in the room, right in front of them. If Seokmin doesn’t acknowledge it now, it’ll just be awkward to bring it up any other time.

“No.” Seokmin lies, and he smiles a big liar smile, so big it starts to hurt his face when he sees how Soonyoung’s shoulders sag in relief. “You haven’t done anything. For once, I mean.”

“Good.” Soonyoung says, shaking his head and pressing against Seokmin’s side as he starts stirring one of the curry dishes. He blows on the spoon Seokmin offers him and takes a mouthful, moaning almost orgasmically. “That’s good. When am I going to get your Mom’s cooking again?”

Seokmin stiffens and he hopes Soonyoung doesn’t feel it, doesn’t hear how dry his accompanying laugh is. “Don’t worry. She’ll definitely pack me some stuff for you when we take you to your dorm.”

“That’d be nice.” Soonyoung goes quiet again, thoughtful. That always makes Seokmin nervous. “You’ll always tell me if something’s bothering you, right?”

“Of course.” _Liar_ , _liar_ , _liar_.

Soonyoung grins and pats his ass. “Okay then. Do you mind if I start the game?”

“Go for it.” Seokmin keeps his head down and focused on his cooking, unable to look at Soonyoung. Stupid. Why is he being so obvious? He can already feel the easy, relaxed nature of their day together starting to slip through his fingers and it’s making his chest tighten to think about it getting worse. Seokmin doesn’t need to talk about it. Tonight is meant to be perfect. Soonyoung is fine and Seokmin can pretend he’s okay too.

They gorge themselves on his Mother’s cooking, stealing from one another when they run out of their favourites. Seokmin lets Soonyoung eat his last stir-fried prawn even though it breaks his heart to part with it. He thinks this might be what true love is.

It dawns on Seokmin that it’s kind of gross how they’re sprawled on one another, unwashed bodies in unwashed pyjamas under unwashed sheets, but they’re bloated and happy and there’s something kind of sexy about the way Soonyoung has his hand on both their bellies under their shirts.

It’s this thought that encourages Seokmin to start the kiss, dropping the controller into his lap so he can wrap his arms around him. Seokmin melts against Soonyoung’s lips, moving against him in a familiar way that still makes his heart jump with excitement each time, no matter how many times they’ve done this. Seokmin places one hand on Soonyoung’s waist, holding him through the big shirt, suddenly overwhelmed.

“I love your cheeks.” Seokmin blurts out suddenly, breaking them apart, throat tight and precariously close to becoming emotional.

Soonyoung laughs and tangles his fingers in Seokmin’s hair, pulling him in for another, sweeter kiss. “What’s gotten into you?”

Seokmin’s heart seizes because he doesn’t want to weird Soonyoung out, make him realise how clingy and babyish Seokmin actually is. “Nothing. It’s nothing. I just want you to know that.”

There’s something different in how they kiss after that. There’s a heat to it that wasn’t there yesterday, and Soonyoung’s eyes are darkening and trained on his, teeth nipping the skin on his neck. Seokmin matches him, pressing Soonyoung half onto his lap by the small of his back. The game is long forgotten.

And somehow, in an instant, Seokmin knows where this is leading. Lee Seokmin is going to have sex with Kwon Soonyoung, his boyfriend and best friend of the past nine years.

The thought makes him dizzy.

Seokmin feels like they know each other’s bodies like their own. They’re extremely horny teenagers who make the most of being best friends with the perks of playing with one another’s dicks, which they started doing at an alarmingly early age. But they can also be completely naked and pressed together and somehow not make it a sexual thing, just content to be close, comforted by the contact of skin against skin. For some reason, they’ve never actually done _it_ before, not like that. Seokmin doesn’t know why. When he was younger, he used to have dreams where he and Soonyoung would disappear into one another and it had been oddly relaxing. Seokmin thinks he likes the idea of being one with Soonyoung now, becoming a part of him.

It’s Soonyoung who gets up and takes his hand, leading Seokmin upstairs. His heart thuds with every step. He’s impossibly hard in his pyjamas pants and he can see Soonyoung is too, heavy between his legs. Seokmin really wants to kiss the little wet patch on his boxers.

“Love you.” Soonyoung says, falling back on the bed and tugging Seokmin down with him.

“I love you too.”

“Cool.” Soonyoung nods. “Ready for this?”

“Ready.” Seokmin says, hovering on his elbows over Soonyoung. “Are you?”

“Yeah.” Soonyoung gives his bicep a quick, reassuring squeeze. They both lean in for a kiss, clicking teeth in a way that makes them grin into one another’s mouths. Seokmin’s glad he’s not the only one feeling nervous.

As they pull apart, it occurs to Seokmin that neither of them have any idea what they’re doing. He’s never been so aware of his own hands. He knows exactly where he _wants_ to put them. Touching Soonyoung has always been second-nature, their bodies just gravitate towards one another, no need for communication. But suddenly groping for Soonyoung’s ass seems off-limits, like he’s skipping a step in a routine he doesn’t know.

“Relax.” Soonyoung says, and Seokmin isn’t sure who he’s talking to.

He places a hand on Seokmin’s shoulder (Seokmin doesn’t miss the slight way his fingers shake and it makes his heart swell) and rolls them over so that he’s sitting flush on Seokmin’s hips. Seokmin likes the way Soonyoung looks on top of him, so he tells him this, relishing in how Soonyoung flushes pink and pokes his chest. Seokmin swallows thickly as he feels himself hardening against the curve of Soonyoung’s ass and Soonyoung must feel it too because there’s that glint in his eyes as he presses their bodies together, testing the waters. They both let out a groan.

“That feels good.” Seokmin fumbles to fit his hands securely on Soonyoung’s waist and after a moment they begin to rock together, clothed cocks rubbing in a way that has Seokmin bucking his hips for more. They had stumbled before but this feels right and Seokmin begins to feel at ease, confident in the way that their bodies fit against one another.

“You look hot.” Soonyoung says, looking down at him through lidded eyes as he pinches Seokmin’s nipple through his shirt. “When did you get so hot?”

“I don’t know. Can I touch your ass?” Seokmin pleads.

“Yeah, grab it.” Soonyoung breathes, palms flat on Seokmin’s chest as he works their bodies together.

Seokmin moves to grope a handful of Soonyoung’s ass, squeezing his fingers into the soft cheeks in a way that must hurt. Soonyoung hips give a sharp jerk and his hands curl in Seokmin’s shirt.

“Oh, fuck-” Seokmin’s cock jumps and everything is too much, until it’s not. Soonyoung has pulled off and is sitting on his legs, digging his fingernails into the flesh of his thighs and looking like he’s in pain.

“Why did you stop?” Seokmin squeezes his eyes shut and thinks unsexy thoughts, his cock suddenly overstimulated in a way that the lightest rub of fabric could set him off.

“I thought we were going to- don’t you want to?” Soonyoung cuts off. Seokmin opens his eyes to see Soonyoung is staring at him uncertainly, somehow looking pale and flushed both at once.

 “Yeah. I do. I really want to.” Seokmin assures him, nodding his head so fast he thinks it could fall off. “Let’s just…wait a minute.”

“Sure. We can take this slow.” Soonyoung agrees, sounding more like he’s trying to convince himself, gaze turning to the ceiling. Seokmin thinks he might be counting under his breath. He begins to laugh. “What?”

“We’re kind of bad at this.”

Soonyoung huffs a laugh at this too and settles back on his calves, chest rising and falling in deliberate measures. “We’ll need to practice then, right?”

Soonyoung seems to get embarrassed by what Seokmin thinks was his attempt to be suave so Seokmin wants to soothe him that it’s working. “You’re right. Practice makes perfect. You’re perfect, by the way.” Seokmin says, knowing it sounds inane but he’s still so aroused that it’s difficult to think straight. His mouth goes dry when Soonyoung yanks off his oversized shirt and discards it to the ground and Seokmin feels overdressed so he matches him, finding the material clinging to his sweaty skin. He hears Soonyoung’s sharp intake of breath.

“You’re amazing.” Soonyoung says, moving to trace a finger over Seokmin’s happy trail in fascination. Seokmin’s dick twitches when Seokmin’s palm ghosts over it. “So thick.”

“You’re so sexy, hyung.” The words feel foreign and awkward on his tongue but Seokmin means it, and Soonyoung seems to like it too because his eyes narrow in that way they sometimes do when he’s dancing and he leans down to lick a long strip up the expanse of Seokmin’s neck.

Trying to shift down his pyjama bottoms whilst pulling Soonyoung into a kiss was more difficult than Seokmin anticipated, but Soonyoung takes over from his fumbling fingers, rolling his hips sinfully as Seokmin finally shirks them off. He almost knees Soonyoung in the crotch in his haste so they pause to catch their breaths, nuzzling their noses together.

“Get it out.”

Soonyoung had once instructed this when he was thirteen and Seokmin was twelve and had decided to show one another their dicks in an official context. There was something both innocent and some unspoken feeling in the atmosphere that certainly _wasn’t_ , but Seokmin was already unzipping himself before he could think about it. “I want to see it.”

 “Damn it. I knew you’d be big.” Soonyoung had sighed and Seokmin had flushed, wasn’t sure what to do with the sudden pride that swelled up inside of him. He had come across a pop-up ad for gay porn site once and the huge engorged cocks had scarred him. But Soonyoung’s dick looked _sweet_ and Seokmin already wanted to do weird shit like rub his nose against it, even then.

“You’re cute.” Seokmin tells him this now, when Soonyoung has peeled off his sticky boxers and is sitting naked atop his hips. His erection is swollen and leaking against his belly in a way that looks sore and Seokmin would love to lave it with his tongue, make him feel better.

“Cute?” Soonyoung smirks. “You’re huge. I don’t know how I’m going to take this. You have lube right? Seokmin?”

Seokmin’s brain may have just short-circuited.

 “Really gonna need that lube, Seokmin- oh.” Soonyoung eyes are shining and his cheeks are red. He seems to have cottoned on to Seokmin’s train of thought. “It’s just that I always imagined that you would be the one to do. That bit.”

“Me?” Seokmin’s eyes widen when he realises the implication of what Soonyoung is saying. Seokmin has always been the Bad Gay. He only has eyes for Soonyoung. He doesn’t like watching porn, where noone seems to ever truly be enjoying themselves and the bottom isn’t even hard. That isn’t his idea of sexy. He knows Soonyoung watches a lot of it because he tells Seokmin about it sometimes and even though the porn he’s into always sounds kind of gross, the way Soonyoung talks about it is enough for Seokmin to get all hot under the collar. Soonyoung seems to have a much better understanding of the male body and how much can fit in where. Seokmin knows porn isn’t realistic, but he feels distinctly out of his element, almost kid-like.

Soonyoung senses his discomfort. He looks shy for a moment before his lips quirk. “Want to know a secret, Seokmin? Something I’ve never told you before?” He lowers his voice and Seokmin can't help the way his ears prick up. Soonyoung dances his fingers along his abdomen coyly, teasing the waistband of his underwear. “I think about you when I do it. I pretend it’s you, opening me up.”

Oh. Seokmin's breathing goes shallow at the idea of Soonyoung stretching out on his bed, gasping into his pillow and fingering himself to thoughts of him. It all falls into place then. If this is what Soonyoung wants then Seokmin can step up to the plate, right? Right.

“Can you show me?” Seokmin asks raggedly. He steps aside to grab a bottle of lube from his drawer and awkwardly shifts himself out of his boxers, having to brace himself against the wall to cope with the feeling of his heated cock springing into fresh air.

Wordlessly, Soonyoung takes the bottle. This is the worst bed to even attempt to do this on but there’s also something that feels right about it, sacred almost, and Seokmin kneels at the side as if about to witness a religious experience. Soonyoung pours a generous amount of lube into one palm and then moves onto all fours, ass in the air as he reaches down to insert a finger into himself. He looks so pale and exposed that a flush crawls up Seokmin’s neck and he feels a sudden urge to cover him up. But then Soonyoung starts to _move_. Soonyoung works himself on his fingers, panting softly as he rocks back and forth, pace quickening. There’s sweat glistening in the crease between his thigh and ass cheek.

“You look so good.” Seokmin swallows, remembering that his boyfriend is a total God. “Does it hurt?”

“A little. Not as much as your big dick is going to” Soonyoung bites out with a grin, and Seokmin recoils at the idea of hurting him, but Soonyoung is making it sound like it’s a Good Thing and that’s what makes the blood rush straight to his crotch.

“I think I can take over.” Seokmin says, voice hoarse as he positions himself behind Soonyoung. He pours the cool lube into his own hands liberally, a little jittery, and uses some to coat around the rim of Soonyoung’s hot little hole, making him keen.

He massages his palm along Soonyoung’s back in a way that he hopes is relaxing because he doesn’t like not being able to face him. He begins to scissor Soonyoung open slowly with two fingers, careful to take his time. He must be doing it right because Soonyoung is tilting his hips to meet him with vigour. “Does- does that feel good?” Soonyoung moans his response and this gives Seokmin a sudden burst of confidence, slipping a third finger into the slick entrance. He likes the feeling of Soonyoung’s walls squeezing against him, sucking him in deep. “How many times have you done this?”

“A lot.” Soonyoung admits, voice small as he rubs up against Seokmin with a tantalising swirl of his hips. “Oh my God, keep going. Keep doing that.”

Although it turns him on to know that Soonyoung thinks about him whilst doing this, a part of Seokmin feels heartbroken at the idea of leaving Soonyoung unsatisfied all this time, like there’s a secret part of his body he never knew about. Seokmin makes sure to worship it now. He begins to thrust his digits in and out of him once he’s sure there’s enough stretch and Soonyoung goes wild, bucking erratically and muffling his cries against the pillow. Seokmin marvels at the effect just his fingers could have, wondering how he’s ever going to be able to last once he's actually inside of him. He’s been precariously close to blowing his load all night and seeing Soonyoung spasm in pleasure under his gentle fingering has pushed him to the edge again.

“Fuck, Seokmin, I need you in me right now.”

Shit. Panic blossoms in Seokmin’s chest and his erection wilts a little in what he prays isn’t sudden on-set performance anxiety. “Do you think this is enough lube?”

“Yes. No. I don’t care. Just do it?”

“I want to see you.” Seokmin insists, desperate to hold him close. He wants to watch his expressions as he comes undone. Their sweat slick bodies slide together as Soonyoung twists in his arms and their kiss is wet and messy, Seokmin’s lips dragging across Soonyoung’s chin until they find one another. Seokmin digs his fingers into his palm when Soonyoung bends back one leg to extend it over Seokmin’s shoulder, maintaining eye contact the whole time as if he’s suddenly some kind of _pro_.

 “Have you gone soft?” Seokmin asks, distressed when he looks down to hoist Soonyoung’s other leg.

“I jizzed like two minutes ago.” Soonyoung shrugs, and this makes Seokmin feel like some kind of superhero to know he made Soonyoung come untouched. “But, fuck, keep going, I just want to feel you. Need you.”

“Me too.” Seokmin nods like he’s been tasked with the fate of the world on his shoulders. “Are you comfortable?”

“No, but your bed is the size of a matchbox. Hurry, Seokmin, _please_.”

Seokmin presses the tip of his cock into Soonyoung slowly. He relishes the feeling of Soonyoung’s entrance enveloping him, the wet heat stretching to accommodate his length, but it’s tight. Almost painful.

“It’s fine, keep going.” Soonyoung says, hands scrambling for purchase on the expanse of Seokmin’s back.

Seokmin frowns and has to ignore Soonyoung’s disappointed cries when he pulls out, because this just won’t do. He coats his cock with as much lube as he can until he’s satisfied to let Soonyoung guide him back into his entrance with impatient hands. They both let out pleased sighs once he’s fully sheathed inside. That’s better. It takes Seokmin all his will-power to not immediately empty himself but he holds back, taking time to press a soft kiss to Soonyoung’s lips and enjoy the feeling of them being connected like this.

“I love you so much.” Seokmin has to say it even though he feels a little silly.

“I love you too. We’re going to get so good at this.” Soonyoung promises, one hand on the back of Seokmin’s neck and the other on his back, pressing him closer. “Fuck, you feel amazing. I knew you would.”

“I haven’t even done anything yet.” Seokmin grins but the praise makes his cock swell even harder and they both groan at the feeling. “I’m gonna start moving now.”

It’s still a little sore at first and their inexperience shows but Seokmin’s precum helps and soon he’s able to draw out and slide back in again. It feels _great_. So great that Seokmin’s brain eventually shuts off. In this moment, there’s nothing better than having sex with Soonyoung, and Soonyoung looks so blissed-out as he rocks to meet his thrusts. Soonyoung seems enjoy it the same way he does dance, suddenly knowing all the moves and hitting them with a precision that blind-sides Seokmin, hitching his leg so Seokmin can bury himself impossibly deeper. This concentration usually reserved for dancing is now focused on bouncing on Seokmin’s dick and making him feel good and it's making him ache.

“Soonyoung – Soonyoung, I’m close.” He pants. Soonyoung sobs but works himself faster, matching Seokmin’s thrusts with the pistoning of his hips. “God, Soonyoung you’re so perfect like this. We’re so perfect. I love you. I’m going to miss you so much. If I could, I would drop out of school to follow you to college. Crash at your dorm. Wanna always be with you like this. So good, I knew it would be so good but – ah – not this _good!”_

Seokmin babbles when he’s about to orgasm. He’s always done it and he can’t stop now, the words stuttering out of him. Seokmin has always had grand romantic notions that they would reach climax together, something he’d almost given up on tonight, but then he shifts the angle and Soonyoung is hard again and practically screaming his name.

Seokmin drives himself in again, harder this time, desperate to find the sweet spot to tip Soonyoung over the edge. He knows he’s hit it when he feels the hot spurt of Soonyoung’s come against his abdomen and his walls pulse around him. Seokmin loses it then too, so intensely that it seems to deplete him of all normal senses and all he can see, think and feel is _Soonyoung_ , pumping him full of warm seed with weak spasms of his hips. It’s over all too soon but they collapse against one another as if it’s been a marathon, boneless, panting softly against spit-slick lips.

Seokmin wonders if the world will ever stop spinning.

They both groan when he pulls out and Seokmin immediately mourns the loss of warmth. He’s planted his face in Soonyoung’s warm, flushed chest and listens to the rapid heartbeat, imagining he could keep burrowing into him until their hearts blurred into one. All of Seokmin’s senses are fried and everything is overstimulated, so exhausting, and Soonyoung is the only thing anchoring him to reality.

“God, Seokmin. You stallion.” Soonyoung’s voice sounds weird and his fingers are brushing back the sweat-soaked hair from Seokmin’s forehead. “What am I going to do without you?”

Seokmin finds he can’t answer that.

“Hey, don’t tell me you’re the kind of guy that cries after sex?” Soonyoung is trying to be make light of it but Seokmin thinks he might be tearful too, and he isn’t brave enough to check if he’s right. “Seokmin?”

Seokmin shakes his head, furious with himself for fucking up. He’d almost made it through the night without spoiling it. Why did he have to let Soonyoung down now?

Seokmin can’t hold back the embarrassing hiccup that escapes him and Soonyoung sounds worried now, shaking him. “Seokmin, you need to tell me what’s wrong. Please.” Is Soonyoung crying? “Is it something I said-”

“I’m going to miss you so much.” The words spill out and Seokmin has to hide in Soonyoung’s chest, hoping he can disguise his tears in his sweat. “I’m sorry I’m so selfish. I’m sorry I can’t even be happy for you because I’m an idiot who can’t get over _sleepovers_ –”

“Hey.” Soonyoung interrupts him sharply. “You’re not an idiot-”

“Yes I am. I’ve been trying to pretend like you’re not going away because I can’t face everything changing. Losing you.” Seokmin wishes he could just shut up but the doors are blown wide open and he can’t stop now. “Starting next week everything is going to be different and it’s scaring me-”

“You’re not losing me. We’ll be able to talk all the time-”

“It’s not the same.”

“I know.” Soonyoung holds his face and forces him to look at him. The world is blurry. “I know that. I’m scared too.”

“You are?” Seokmin gulps down another hiccup and lets Soonyoung wipe his wet face with his thumbs, feeling impossibly young but unable to resist being taken care of like this. “Why?”

“Why?” Soonyoung repeats. He’s smiling a little but he looks like he’s struggling for an answer, and for some reason Seokmin feels like they’re both kids again, crying over something as small as a scraped knee. “I don’t know. I keep having dreams that I’m going to get there and it’s all wrong and nothing makes any sense. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” Seokmin reaches out so he can catch a tear threatening to drop from Soonyoung’s eye. Seokmin wants to hit himself for not realising sooner. “It makes sense. Everything’s changing for you too. You just seemed so excited to go, I couldn’t bring myself to get all- all negative and sorry for myself and I didn’t want you to hate me for it.”

“I didn’t want you to worry about me.” Soonyoung breathes, and then huffs a choked laugh. “How could I ever hate you? We’re both so stupid.”

“So you don’t want to break up with me?” Seokmin asks in a small voice.

For one moment Seokmin thinks Soonyoung might actually push him out the bed.

“Now you’re an idiot.” Soonyoung pokes a finger to his forehead and Seokmin tips his head up to bite it, instinctively. He settles himself on his side so Soonyoung is sandwiched between himself and the wall and the two of them go quiet, just staring. Seokmin thinks he’ll be able to understand Soonyoung again, maybe.

“I don’t want you to go.” Seokmin admits. He still feels childish but he’s not embarrassed about admitting it anymore.

“I’m really nervous to leave.” Soonyoung says, and after a moment, moves to tie his index finger around Seokmin’s middle one. “But one thing I’ve never doubted for a second is us. I don't say things like this that much but you’re my rock, Seokmin. The one thing I know is going to stay the same. Right?”

Soonyoung is looking at him with so much apprehension that Seokmin realises he’s actually worried. “No way. You’ve got me for the long haul. Nothing you can do about it.” Seokmin finds his face splitting into a grin, the first real one he’s worn in a while, the infectious one that always makes Soonyoung smile back. “I told you I would drop out of school and move in with you, right?”

“So embarrassing.” Soonyoung murmurs, but it’s fond. “You know I’m coming home every other weekend to stay here, right? And you can come up on the other Friday night.”

“Wait, really?” Seokmin isn’t sure why he never considered this. He hadn’t wanted to talk about it so he’d never really let his mind process that far. _Now_ he feels stupid. “We can still have Friday night sleepovers?”

“We can’t break tradition, Seokmin. Whoever my roommate is will just have to deal with it.” Soonyoung says, and Seokmin knows he means it. “Especially since we’ll have a new bed to christen.”  

Seokmin meets him for the kiss and lets Soonyoung shift on top of him, careful to not let him knock them both off the mattress, and they settle all uncomfortably comfortable in Seokmin’s tiny bed. Soonyoung yawns and it’s contagious, has them both stretching in the limited space they have. There’s an unspoken agreement to not go wash up. They’ll just have to get up early tomorrow and save hot water showering together. And wash the bed sheets before Seokmin’s parents come home to find them living in domestic, sperm-coated squalor.

Seokmin lifts the covers over them and soon Soonyoung’s limbs are tangled with his, somehow cocooned in half the bed sheet whilst Seokmin’s bare skin is left to the elements. His mouth is hanging open and his hair smells good, tickling Seokmin’s chin. Seokmin closes his eyes and imagines they’ll be in Soonyoung’s dorm room next Friday night. It’s going to be a little different but soon they’ll have the new routine down like clockwork, just like the first time.

 


End file.
